A Word to Live Into
- 17 hours ago
- 4 min read
I love the word listen. I want to be a good listener and grow into a better one. That could be part of the secret of listening. Psychologist David Benner points out that most people already think they are good listeners. That may be part of the problem.
Just because we hear doesn't mean that we have heard. You may be familiar with the parable of the sower that Jesus shares with his followers. Have you noticed that it is about listening? Jesus ends the parable saying “Consider carefully how you listen” (Lk8:18)
Winston Churchill’s mother, Lady Randolph Churchill, gives us a wonderful example of how to pay attention to how you listen. She shares two experiences. First, she dined with the British politician, William Gladstone, and then with his rival, Benjamin Disraeli. She wrote, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.” Gladstone and Disraeli were different kinds of listeners. Disraeli directed the conversation away from himself and toward those he was with. Gladstone found a way to focus the conversation on himself.*
Reflecting on Lady Churchill’s experience, J.R. Briggs observes that we can walk into a room and announce “Here I am” or “There you are.” We can shift our listening to ourselves or to another.*
How can we carefully consider how we listen?
Are you ready to listen? Having ears to hear.
To be a good listener, you need to be self-aware. You need to be aware of what is happening with you as you listen. Are you tired, hungry, stressed, excited, or nervous? That is going to affect how you listen.
This also applies to the person you want to talk to. Parents of teens know that they probably won't have a great conversation if their teen is tired or hungry. Of course, the same is true for the parent!
2. Are you ready to be present? You need space to listen.
To be a good listener, you need an open space of receptivity in your mind and your heart so you can hear. You need to be open to hearing not only the words someone says but what they are saying. You need to listen not only for content but for emotion and meaning. That is going to be hard if you are overwhelmed, preoccupied, or multitasking as you listen. It will also be hard if you come in with preconceived notions. Giving space to listen allows you to hear a perspective other than your own. You allow someone else to share.
3. Do you care? Listen with a caring regard for the other.
As the adage goes, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. To hear well is to care - to listen expectantly with the intent to understand. To do this, you need to set aside your own thoughts, experiences, and agenda so you can receive what another person has to offer. To listen with care is to focus on another person, being careful not to project our thoughts, feelings, or experiences onto them. Rather than telling them your story, you let them tell you theirs. To listen with care is to be sincere. To listen with care feels like grace and love.
4. What can I learn from this? Listen to learn.
The intent behind your listening makes a difference. You can listen to learn. You can be curious.
To listen to learn is active listening. To learn, you are not listening to give your advice or share your experience. You are not listening to judge what someone is saying or trying to filter out what you want or don’t want to hear. Listening and agreement are not the same thing.
To learn, you may need to ask questions to help you understand. You may need to pause and think about what they are saying rather than preparing your response as they are talking. To listen to learn takes time.
To listen to learn is to assume that each person has something worthy of hearing. To listen to learn is to hear someone else’s thoughts, feelings, or point of view to understand what they mean to them. You let go of your agenda for the sake of another. You listen to understand.
How to live into the word listen…
Try to recall a time when you felt like someone really listened to you. How did it make you feel?
What do you tend to do when you listen? (Are you present? Are you thinking about how you will respond? Are you thinking about how you feel or connect with what they are saying? Are you trying to hear and understand?…)
What might you do to be a better listener?
What might it be like to listen to God?
Pete Greig said, “ Jesus is what God sounds like.” How would you describe Jesus?
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* J.R. Briggs, The Art of Asking Better Questions: Pursuing Stronger Relationships, Healthier Leadership, and Deeper Faith.
